Friday, February 13, 2009
0 HPC (D1W3): Some Procrastination & Then Some Pushups :)
Actually, I was really supposed to do these push-ups two days ago, at the same time I did my crunches. Oh well. Did them today instead.
Just realized that it's now been 8 days since I took the HPC W2 exhaustion test (i.e., on 2/5/09). And prior to that, there were 6 days between this exhaustion test & the previous push-ups workout. These gaps between push-ups workouts just can't continue or it's really going to make doing this program even more difficult than it already is. :)
On that note: I was also supposed to run 6 mi + 4 x strides last night with our usual running group but then changed my mind about an hour beforehand & decided to run alone instead, except I never actually made it out the door. :)
I could say that I delayed yesterday's run because the weather was so abominable & I was feeling so tired & also a bit ragged -- wah, wah, wah, etc. -- but I won't, because while those are both true, they are not going to be used as excuses. Frankly, I just didn't feel like it. ;-)
Now while I plan to run 6 mi + 4 x strides this afternoon to get caught up with our running clinic's schedule, that's not the point. There seems to be a slightly disturbing trend taking place. :)
And I know exactly why that is happening. It's not really about a lack of motivation. It's something else entirely. I actually enjoy running, & it's not a matter of the running itself. All the same, I know that that when I'm feeling that internal resistance to working out that it's due to one reason & one reason alone: I'm feeling resentful.
There I said it. The resentment is from feeling like my schedule is not my own. With a strict schedule & exact times that I have to meet the group for our runs, I have to say that there's a little part of me that just wants to scream out "Noooooooooo!"
Now don't get me wrong, I signed up for our club's running program as a conscious choice, & really do want to be there. I diligently show up for all the track workouts & the weekend long runs like clockwork, but on Thursdays..... Well I'll admit that, on Thursdays, sometimes just want to do my own thing & run alone instead. (While there are no formally scheduled practices on Thursdays, we do have the option to run with regularly organized groups that meet in various locations.)
Now, it's not because I don't enjoy running with the group, because I clearly do. And it's not because of the weather, because there were many times that I showed up to run with the group at 6:30 pm in snowy, icy weather & sub-zero temps. :)
It's just that sometimes I need to run alone to clear my head & be alone with my thoughts. This usually becomes most necessary when the "stress freight train" comes barreling through. And right now, with all of the simultaneous projects & "to dos" I've got to finish in the next 2-3 months, that's definitely been the case! :)
While running with the group is great because it allows a person to "get out of their own head" & engage with other people's thoughts & "inner worlds," there's also a time for "alone time" on the road. This balance of "personal space vs. socializing" is different for everyone; sometimes it's a matter of being used to one or the other, & other times it's about really needing one kind or the other.
Also, sometimes I just need to "shake it up," especially when the regimentation of a program is starting to get to me a bit. Every once in a while I want to break free from the pack & "do my own thing." OK, if I were honest, it's not "every once in a while"; it's more like "most of the time." :) However, I realize that I can't always run where & when I want, due to various circumstances &/or scheduling, but there are times when the "wild horses" in me just have to be let loose or I will go bananas. Call it the "rebelling inner artist" in me, or whatever you like, but that impulse for freedom can't be denied, & the little bit of "roaming adventurer" in me isn't going away any time soon.
One thing I do know is this: Deny or go against your nature, & you will make yourself most unhappy. On the other hand, acknowledge your nature & work with it, & that is how you will make your own path to success. Note that I say "your own path," & not just some generic "path to success." Everyone makes their own way. You need to do what works for you, & only you know what that is. This is just as true of running & training as it is with life in general.
So, while I'm committed to seeing this program through, I've also still got to be me, & carve out my own space. This is absolutely essential. :) This is why, in any good workout program, you need to go by a realistic time-table, & also "build in room to breathe." Otherwise you will drive yourself nuts over-scheduling your life ad infinitum. Believe me, I know this all too well from many years of gasping for freedom from my own (& other people's) carefully planned schedules. :)
Yes, there's a delicate balance between structure & chaos. ;-)So whenever you get restless, you might want to "check in" & "take the temperature of your temperament" like I often do. I find that it usually explains the behavior & helps set you back on course.
Better to acknowledge when you are feeling restless, bored, resentful, or unmotivated & find the "inner workout resistance" building as a direct result. Chances are might also be simultaneously yearning for a bit of diversity in your exercise program, a break from the usual routine, &/or a bit of "scheduling leeway" in your training. Heed those signs, because they are clear indicators that something in your workout program needs to be changed & fast.
Because those restless "wild horses" that are inside of you will eventually get out one way or another, & in my experience, it's better to let them run free from time to time. :) If you give them free reign & get them out of your system, then you can return to your workouts with your "head fastened on straight" (i.e., mentally focused in the proper place & direction) & your mind & body back in sync with one another. :)